dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
