i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
