So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
