new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
