My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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