I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
