I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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