Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i've created a new STD.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
