So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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