Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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