i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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