Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
