Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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