I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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