We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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