In the future we'll all be gay
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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