I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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