Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
