Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
