Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
