And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
