wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize