Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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