So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
