I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
