best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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