i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize