This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
