I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize