i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
