just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
