I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
