Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
