he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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