I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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