; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
