You work out of a Hotel?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
