Your favorite bartender is back from prision
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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