I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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