you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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