she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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