God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
