I'm drive I can fine osifer
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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