My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Randomize
