I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
