Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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