I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
