I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
