Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
