I cannot find my penis.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize