I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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