doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
