My Higher Power is John Stamos
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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