I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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