Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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