I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
